2. our belief of *how* we should act and behave . }; She told me that women need estrogen their whole lives, not just up to menopause. They may be finding fulfilment on the computer/phone with others (just a guess) and so thats a big problem right there. It's not about love - you love him, no question. Haha it isnt always easy but I try to focus where we are in life. He thinks that his low testosterone is the cause of his actions or lack of. Dont hold it against her. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, i feel for you my spouse stopped being interested in sex 20 years ago at my age 51,for many years we had some extrem arguments and are still having them,,, to no avail what do you do. Weve been married 27 years, sex Ive no where to go. My NEW husband gets a hard on, loves me to give him oral sex but is not sexually attracted to me at all. It wont fix the sexless marriage. My husband and I both have gained weight. I mean the guy has a woman more than willing to get playful and see what happens and he uses porn? People need to be kept warmed up all the time before things can get hot again, they need to feel wanted, appreciated and valued before they actually want sex and are in the mood for sex. Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. In the room. When I say intimacy, I do not mean just intercourse. Here are some foreplay ideas for inspo. Am I ugly? For the months it was possible, I felt like a real man again, and much stronger at home and work. We never had sex before marriage and on our wedding night he rolled over and went to sleep. Been sleeping in separate beds since surgery. Who risks? . I cannot hurt him. It will never balance out. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. If Im doing the very best I can and feeling pretty good about things, ITS NEVER ENOUGH. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. Here are some reasons that your wife might never initiate getting intimate with you in the bedroom. Unfortunately the one thing that was supposed to save civilization was the internet. But at this point I dont think her interest in sex will ever revive, so what would your advice be? For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. I am 67 and my wife is 62. **Women are constantly told to shut up and accept. I dont know why Im still here. The good news is: there are plenty of ways to banish problems in the bedroom and rekindle the fire with your wife. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. I just gave up. Susan.I second Seans reply to you. At 45 years old I met this man I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Tried all the hormones, the therapy, the talks, and yes, even the threats of stepping out if things dont improve. Well said my friend. Got thru menopause with that help. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. There are books that can help guide you. **The husband has NO right to sex, or anything else. Wish she would just say so. 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. . I look good for my age and am so tempted to look for another relationship. We could be spontaneous. Now its too late. It could mean that your wife is experiencing changes in her mental health or there is an unresolved issue in your relationship. However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. It is possible that a lack of sex may have shifted your focus on physical intimacy whereas a lack of emotional intimacy may be driving your wife away from the idea of sex. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. To me, hes practicing classic avoidance and he simply closes up emotionally. The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. Lack of interest does not equate to lack of love. My first wife and I married when we were 21. Maybe have her read what you have posted here so she can see your pain all laid out with no interruptions like conversations can have when 2 people are both upset and talk at the same time. She knows this is a psychological problem and doesnt reflect how I feel about her. I am going to be 42 years old!! I told him we could stay married/faithful to each other without any type of sex/sexual contact. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. Indifferent withholders like my wife NEVER get better and their partners either leave or become bitter! Ive been accepting of her feelings and expectations. Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. None of us know how to read, converse or think. So as partners age, sometimes we have to stop asking for what is too painful for them to give. I started seeing sex workers. Im 87 years young and my vibrator is busy. He then sits and reads for hours on end. Men with low sex drive try lifting free weights in a gym. Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? My grandma used to tell me, You cant fix broken people. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. Its been a slow process in development, heading to the place we have arrived in our relationship. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. Zimmerman also recommends getting some time away from the kids regularly so that you can re-immerse yourselves in your identities as individuals and as a couple outside of your roles as parents. We have been Maries for 26 years. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. Hmmm. Think before you do what you do. Maybe it will make a difference, good luck. Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. Period. Do they shrink with age? Shes always saying how bad she feels about it but but never offers to do anything. Mental health issues dont appear out of nowhere for no reason. Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. This is not rocket science, bro. I have always been an affectionate person and have given affection but not received in return for at least a year. I worked my butt of the keep a sexless marriage away. That feeling lasts for several days afterwards. Frankly Im tired of people pushing to try Testosterone replacement again. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). by *someone!! Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . 57mwm here. I was not going to reward her or fall into another hug with nothing more than a few seconds of holding, and then a push off. We love them. He will not talk about that either. If your wife never initiates affection, its time to take the pressure off. We cant really talk about it because the very subject causes her great depression because she feels like its all her fault and that she is failure as a lover. Perhaps your husband, as well as a few troglodytes posting here, are in need of some attitude adjustments, but you shouldnt paint all men with the same brush. Answers where we can talk about it or Im busy right now. It has been years since my wife and I have had sex. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. Having children may be one reason intimacy has decreased in your marriage, but it is not the only reason. My only suggestion would be to get out of this marriage and fast. Related Reading: How Do You Deal With A Quarrelsome Wife? Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. And one factor is being a caregiver. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. If men put in as much energy they put in sneaking around spending money on hookers and put all of his energy on his wife by taking 50% of the household chores and helping his wife out with the kids and having him spice up their sex lives you will see more action in the bedroom then before as long as you are sweet and loving towards her you will always get lucky. interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband! Id never treat him as she does! My avocation has been fitness for over 50 years and I love the field. "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. You may have become so engrossed in your work or friends that you just dont spend quality time with your wife. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. Prostate cancer or vaginal dryness does not preclude you from meeting the sexual needs of your partner out of laziness and a lack of giving a shit. I still plan/need to continue working in a high tech job many hours a week, with excellent insurance, which is fortunate, and there is no way she can drive or work for several decades now. Except she doesnt like hugging or cuddling either. Got lost there. She like others doesnt want intimacy or sex, which I could deal with for the most part but then she makes remarks about me masturbating or watching porn. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. Ever again. I wish you the best. I miss the simple things. You can usually put these triggering events into two main categories. Between her legs the next time.4, stop watching porn if you know this makes her feel uncomfortable as we all know when men watch porn that will lead into you not being able to get it up for her because you have been watching photoshops porn and all you want is that fake lady so you go out and cheat on your wife then come home and accuse her of cheating and thats why she is not having sex with you.