(2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. Most 10-year-olds are ready for this type of experience, as long as they are accompanied by a parent or someone else close to them. 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A thoughtful gift which allows the name of the deceased to be mentioned will provide long-lasting comfort to the family. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. Hare Krishna. I remember how she encouraged me to get good grades and once even offered me a ride home after school. And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. Often there will be some open visitation for an hour or so just prior to the funeral service. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. Every one of the rituals within the Hindu ceremonies is a reality check to help us confront our grief, interact with it, accept it and keep going on--both in life and spiritually.". With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. The funeral ceremony is conducted at the place of the cremation. If the bereaved person would rather speak to someone they dont know or needs additional support, specialist bereavement support services (see below) are available. 4. For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. Friends and family visit the bereaved during the period of mourning which in Hindu traditions lasts for around 13 days. Need Immediate Service? Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. When a person dies, their atman (spirit or soul) is reincarnated into a different physical body or life form (human, animal, insect or plant). Rather than quoting the Bhagavad Gita directly, you can also take its essence and interpret that into something meaningful. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. In Hindu death rituals, no recording devices are allowed, and the reading source is Mantra. Das, S. (n.d.). You have a great responsibility now. This period usually lasts for 10 days. Loss is hard. While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. The word hearty means happy and should not be confused with heart-felt. It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. What rituals take place before someone dies? The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. Offer your help in other ways, such as ushering, delivering a reading, preparing the program for the service, or assisting the family with plans for the service or for any reception afterwards (if there is one). Hinduism, like other great religions, has specific rituals for honoring the deceased and addressing a family's grief. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as speed is the best and appropriate choice. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. His commitment to creating a better world was apparent in every project he started. Your mother had a happy death. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. They can wear open-toe shoes. 13. I am sorry for your loss. He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. After that, the body has to be cremated. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. Dr. Vasudha Narayanan, Professor of Religion at the University of Florida and. Some people are able to manage the delivery of a eulogy with aplomb; others can't even bear to think about doing so. As such, this message will work for the friend who sincerely believed in the transitory nature of the body itself. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. A Hindu priest is an officiant, who presides over all Hindu funeral rites. Just as It is all part of Gods plan might not go down well with an atheist, He will soon be reborn into a more beautiful life can be hugely offending to someone who doesnt believe in rebirth. The Awesome Etiquette podcast is a weekly Q&A show where hosts, (cousins, and co-presidents of the Emily Post Institute,) Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning answer audience questions, tackle etiquette topics in detail and salute good etiquette witnessed by the Awesome Etiquette audience. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. Pinterest. One needs to observe at least 10 to 30 days of mourning. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. 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The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). A kind friend never leaves our hearts; they will remain with us always. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. Sometimes termed the Art of Presence, one of the best gifts one can give is the gift of time. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. 6. E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. All rights reserved. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. If you want to do something now, send a donation as suggested by the family. Choosing an appropriate date to bring home newborn. Visitors must realize that none of these questions would bring the person back; there is no second chance in death. 3. Drop her a note periodically, or even an e-mail, to let her know you're thinking of her. On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. Unexpected death, especially of the violent type can result in an emotionally supercharged situation, requiring us to tread very carefully to avoid offending anyone. Amen. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. or the universal soul. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. If your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died is more casual, it may be best to wait until the wake, funeral or memorialservice, or after the funeral to reach out. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. A "shraddha" ceremony. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. This link will open in a new window. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). Neha Kakkar, Rohanpreet's honeymoon at Atlantis Dubai costs Rs 90,000 a night? subject to our Terms of Use. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. Duplicate and frame favorite photo (s) of your loved one for family gifts. Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. Oh, I forgot I think she was also wearing lip gloss!. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. 9. We have the perfect wedding, graduation or housewarming gift for someone special in your life. This link will open in a new window. Your father was a wise man. The mourning period lasts for 10 days after the death. He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. A mourner may return to a normal work and social schedule after this ceremony. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. After someone dies, their body should be treated with respect. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. For advice on choosing the best form of communication to use, see our article: How to Offer Condolences, For tips on what to say and not say to someone who has experienced a loss, see our article: How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say, Paying Final Bills, Dues, And Estate Expenses. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. It is worth knowing that they are not always expecting a reply from uswe just need to listen. Brief words like I am sorry for your loss or You are in our thoughts and prayers are both meaningful and comforting. Read digital editions of Vanitha, Weekly and more Last Updated Wednesday November 25 2020 03:54 PM IST. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! During the initial communication with the family or familys representative, the details surrounding the funeral, burial and memorial service may be obtained. then, practice it out loud, preferably in front of another person or a mirror. Other mourners are expected to stand. May he rest in peace. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. Food will be served following the ceremony. Funerals are emotionally complex, and knowing how to act can present a Its a difficult time, emotions are raw and theres a lot to organize. May God bring speed to your childs soul. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. 2. Blaming the family for not choosing another hospital or doctor is a common and futile exercise that occurs at bereaved homes. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Comforting the Bereaved Family and friends will express condolences and comfort by attending the Vigil Service and the Funeral Mass if possible. Similarly, theres no understanding of heaven or hell, but there is the desire to achieve Nirvana. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. Often, the best thing one can do is to listen patiently without interrupting. 12. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. One of the worst bloopers and a bane of modern technology when not done right, taking unsolicited photographs is a total no-no at a home where death has just occurred. Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. Get a signed copy of the NEW Emily Post's Etiquette Centennial edition, and support Vermont's independent bookstores. Memorial Day, considered the unofficial start of summer, is the last Monday in May. Distant relatives and more casual friends and acquaintances may prefer visiting the family at the funeral home. There is a process of letting the deceased go and telling them goodbye with prayers and songs. At a Hindu funeral, the deceased body is kept in an open casket. I'm here for you." Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time.
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